now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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