some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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