Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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