No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have aggressive nipples.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize