first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
