Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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