he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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