Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
