That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
