dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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