I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
