I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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