using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
