my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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