Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize