he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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