I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
