Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
