I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
