i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm both gender and math confused
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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