I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
