I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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