Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
