its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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