I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
