cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
