i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You made out with two different species that night
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
