If i come over, it means nothing
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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