yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We're too hungover to prance.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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