we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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