i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
