just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
