i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I want her autograph on my taint
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
