.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
