Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
