Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
