Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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