and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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