Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
