I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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