I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
