It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
