I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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