its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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