You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
