we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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