K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
