theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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