the condom got lost in my hair
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
