I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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