It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
