today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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