ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
