Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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