$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
