hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize