Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
