the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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