so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
