I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
