I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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