Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
