Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
