Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
