If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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