he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
