I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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