I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
