Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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