I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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